irritability

The Reasons Why

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After my grumpy post yesterday, I spent a lot of time contemplating the questions: Why am I so grumpy? And, what would make me happier? The answers surprised me.

The should-have-been-blatantly-obvious answer to the reason I’m so grumpy is that I have a headache. I’ve had a headache for weeks but, since it’s been hanging around so long, I just kind of pushed it to the back of my awareness. It’s one of the things that can happen when you have chronic pain. It becomes such a part of your normal so that you don’t even think about it anymore. It’s kind of incredible how you can distance yourself from your body, but it’s not always a good thing. Had I been paying attention to my body, I might have noticed all the super tight, tender spots forming before they caused a permanent headache. But I’m aware of them now so I can work on them. It won’t happen overnight, but there is a fix to the headache problem.

When I asked, “what would make me happier?” the answer that floated into my mind was, “Michael going back to school in the fall.” This one really surprised me! Once we got through graduation, I hadn’t given much thought to him being graduated, as in done with the regular school year forever. But, apparently, I’m not liking the idea of our household schedule changing so much. No wonder it feels like this summer will never end! In a way, it won’t because Michael won’t be going back to high school and his college classes are only two days a week. I’m really not comfortable with this! I like everyone having a regular schedule. I like my kids having the same schedule. I like the having the house to myself in the morning! This is going to be a big adjustment. I think it’s understandable that I would feel a little unsettled by it.

Then, everyone’s wonderful suggestions in the comments on my post made me realize that I’m not spending enough time doing things I enjoy doing. I need to get out in nature. I need to do something creative. I need to get out to play around with my camera. I feel like I haven’t learned or practiced anything new photography-wise in a long time. And I need to finish my herbal studies, which is something I enjoy but, for some reason, procrastinate about doing. I only have four lessons left. I need to finish them. It will feel really good to finish them. I need to make the time.

I also need to work on not hating summer so much. I’m sure there are things to appreciate about it. I just need to look harder to find them!

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8 thoughts on “The Reasons Why

  1. I totally agree with you that our sensory bodies and moods are triggered by sudden changes in our “normal” functioning with the world, whether with chronic pain or otherwise. I’m just coming out of a month of uncertain healing after a knee injury that I had to emotionally survive also. Now that the pain has eased, I feel so blessed. I can enjoy the simple moments more. Following one’s passions are essential. I turned to nature to help me heal. Still can’t to photo adventures, but I do what’s possible and take photos in my backyard and it’s the best I can get for now. Hope all goes well with your journey.

  2. I thought I would do a lot more swimming this summer but I haven’t been in a pool or the lake at all this season. The lake was too cold at the beginning of the summer and now that I’m back in the city and experiencing this heat wave I know that the pool will be too busy for my liking. I have been working on my art and that really puts me in my happy place. I’m sure you’ll figure out what you need to do. Taking more photographs is a good place to start.

  3. Yes, I am told I am grumpy esp in the morning. I feel so ill then with dizzy nausea and brain fog and it’s a struggle to do anything. I want to scream that I Am Sick !!!!!! I feel like I am going to puke and pass out and normal things like smelling bacon or riding in a car are …. Well a good word is torture…. So hey if you want to call that grumpy …go ahead….I have a splitting headache and no energy to dispute. And it’s been that way every day ….day in and day out for over 2 years.
    Great writings Trisha. Thanks for being real.

  4. Getting out in nature has to be a sure-fire cure for most things, Trisha.

    As to our cameras……I’m a little disappointed with my Sony photography efforts so far. There’s nothing wrong with the Sony, it’s me. Takes a lot more thinking than my Canon DSLR. I miss the simple menus and ease of changing settings when the cameras is up to my eye.

    And…….I’m missing doing flower close-ups etc.

    I think we both need more practice with our cameras.

    I agree with you wanting the mornings to yourself. I’m one of those people too….luckily without a family so I can spend a lot of time with just my own company. I can well appreciate your sentiments in that direction. I think we just need time to think, listen, look, just Be in that Moment in Time.

    Hope the headache improves. I go through periods of headaches, but it’s usually caused by forgetting to drink water (in this cold wintery weather) and eating the wrong food.

  5. I’m so glad you got some clarity about what the reasons really are for feeling so grumpy lately. I rarely get headaches, but when I do I find it so hard to function, so I can’t imagine what it must be like to have a constant one. :/
    The upcoming change in your and your family’s routine with Michael not going back to school is HUGE and I can totally relate – I’ve always been a routine type of person. My life has been in a constant state of change since 2009, and just when I think I’ve finally reached a lull and can settle in a bit to some sense of routine… BAM! I have a huge change looming on my horizon right now Trisha, and to be honest I’m kinda, sorta more than freaking out over here. I haven’t about it on my blog because it’s not only ‘my’ life that it’s about and I have to respect others’ privacy, but man… I tell ya… wow.
    Anyway, enough about me… once your headache improves a bit, you get out there and do what feels good – even if it’s just playing PvZ 😉 Carve out that creative time for yourself and protect it fiercely my friend. Hang in there, sending hugs your way and best wishes at nipping those ‘reasons why’ in the bud.
    And that a lovely photo you shared here too. 🙂

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