After my grumpy post yesterday, I spent a lot of time contemplating the questions: Why am I so grumpy? And, what would make me happier? The answers surprised me.
The should-have-been-blatantly-obvious answer to the reason I’m so grumpy is that I have a headache. I’ve had a headache for weeks but, since it’s been hanging around so long, I just kind of pushed it to the back of my awareness. It’s one of the things that can happen when you have chronic pain. It becomes such a part of your normal so that you don’t even think about it anymore. It’s kind of incredible how you can distance yourself from your body, but it’s not always a good thing. Had I been paying attention to my body, I might have noticed all the super tight, tender spots forming before they caused a permanent headache. But I’m aware of them now so I can work on them. It won’t happen overnight, but there is a fix to the headache problem.
When I asked, “what would make me happier?” the answer that floated into my mind was, “Michael going back to school in the fall.” This one really surprised me! Once we got through graduation, I hadn’t given much thought to him being graduated, as in done with the regular school year forever. But, apparently, I’m not liking the idea of our household schedule changing so much. No wonder it feels like this summer will never end! In a way, it won’t because Michael won’t be going back to high school and his college classes are only two days a week. I’m really not comfortable with this! I like everyone having a regular schedule. I like my kids having the same schedule. I like the having the house to myself in the morning! This is going to be a big adjustment. I think it’s understandable that I would feel a little unsettled by it.
Then, everyone’s wonderful suggestions in the comments on my post made me realize that I’m not spending enough time doing things I enjoy doing. I need to get out in nature. I need to do something creative. I need to get out to play around with my camera. I feel like I haven’t learned or practiced anything new photography-wise in a long time. And I need to finish my herbal studies, which is something I enjoy but, for some reason, procrastinate about doing. I only have four lessons left. I need to finish them. It will feel really good to finish them. I need to make the time.
I also need to work on not hating summer so much. I’m sure there are things to appreciate about it. I just need to look harder to find them!