This pot of dead weeds was the only potted plant I had on my deck in the summer of 2012.
I can see this year being another like that. I haven’t pulled any weeds yet and I’ve got a few that are more than knee high. I’ve only bought one plant for my yard this year and I then let it die without planting it.
I just don’t care.
My hair is a shaggy mess and I’m not sure I care enough to drive one mile to the place I get it cut.
My kitchen is looking grubby and I don’t care enough to mop the floor, wipe down the cupboard doors or polish the fingerprints off the stainless steel.
You may have noticed my lack of interest in my blog. My posting for this month is the sparsest it’s been in over a year.
I threw my primary election ballot away instead of filling it out and sending it in, although this may have more to do with futility (it was all but officially decided before our primary) and not liking any of the choices that were on the ballot.
I think I’m just too tired and feel too terrible to care about much. Everything seems too hard or too pointless to bother with. It’s something I’ve struggled with off and on since 2001. That was the year I started having fibromyalgia symptoms and also the year we moved into this house. Perhaps it’s irrational but I blame the house for some of it. It seems like I might care more about my yard if it weren’t all the way down the stairs. Maybe. I guess I won’t know for sure until we move again.
I’m not looking for sympathy or advice – I’ve tried everything that makes any sense to me to feel better and nothing helps during tired spells that hit this time of year. It just is what it is and I’m still pretty happy…as long as I don’t have to go anywhere or do anything.
I’m just letting you know why I’ve sort of disappeared. I feel vague and distant, like I’m floating in a shadowy twilight world that’s just a little out of sync with everything else. Even when I try, I can’t seem to get anything done because time moves faster than I can. It’s like I’m stuck in super slo mo and the world is on fast forward.